Oct 31 2015

Newcastle M2’s v Manc Met M3’s

The Mens 2’s ventured down to the mystical land of Manchester yesterday to take on the Met’s 3’s to the soundtrack of a monotonous beeping from the accompanying fencers next door. This message however seemed to have failed to make its way to the bus driver, who appeared to have mistaken us for his ‘brothels and backstreets’ guided tour he was so keen to take us on, much to the dismay of the satnav who was reminiscent of a parrot in an A-level maths class; “re-calculating… re-calculating…”

However, thanks to Jeremy’s “it’s literally just over that road there” we finally made it, and began our ass-whooping of the Mancunian poly. Billy and Jamie opened the singles, both bringing home our first wins. Billy fought hard under pressure to take both ends (22-20, 23-21) against the finest singles payer their team had to offer. Jamie followed this up with a fairly comprehensive (21-14, 21-11) win over his opponent. The standard set by the King of Cumbria clearly implanted a pressure simply too high for the Prince, as Tom and Michael suffered an extremely frustrating (20-22, 20-22) loss to their first doubles pair. After leading for the majority of both ends, the smug look upon Jamie’s face became too much in the closing moments of the game. All was not lost for NUBC’s doubles though as Stephen and Jeremy dominated their game (21-14, 21-7) to leave Newcastle 3-1 up at half time.

After delving into the 37th tube of medieval shuttles (which appeared to have been made out of papyrus and marshmallows, but “At eight quid a tube how can you not buy them?!”, logic I am still yet to quite comprehend) we began the second round of games. Jamie gave us all a lesson in consistency after winning his second singles game (21-14, 21-11) as if he had pre-meditated the outcome in the changing room. Stephen and Jeremy followed this up with an exceptional (21-6, 21-7) win over the Met’s 1st doubles pairing, a game that clearly sent the pair into shock as Stephen proceeded to have a 78-minute shower and Jeremy got ratted on whiskey in the shit-but-not-quite-so-shit-as-the-other-one pub post-match. Tom and Michael’s second doubles was equally frustrating after suffering a (19-21, 21-23) loss. They appeared to take the loss well, although recent reports suggest Tom has in fact packed his bags and emigrated to Ukraine, leaving a trail of marshmallow shuttlecocks in his wake (but that’s none of my business). Billy (or ‘The Duracell Bunny’ as their coach referred to him) battled through his singles to secure a three-end victory (21-7, 19-21, 21-12) after 17 hours of gameplay, to leave Newcastle with a 6-2 win over Manchester.

An overall successful day for the Mens 2’s, with Jeremy taking home man-of-the-match, and the football team taking home the award for ‘Most Piss-Stops Needed’ on the way back. Good job lads.